Being in love is one of the most exhilarating experiences! You can’t wait to be around that person, you talk all hours of the night, and think of romantic ways to spend more time together. That all sounds fantastic but real love takes sacrifice, compromise, understanding, listening and WORK.
One of the ways to actively put in work in your relationship is to know what type of love your partner speaks. Did you even know that love has a particular language? In fact there are 5 love languages. I first encountered this concept when we were going through premarital counseling. Our counselors introduced us to Dr. Gary Chapman, the pastor and marriage counselor who wrote the bestselling book “The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts“. We were completely oblivious that there were different types of love. According to Chapman, here are the 5 types of love languages:
“Actions Speak Louder Than Words”
Little actions and physical works make the most impact in this language. Don’t perform actions for someone else that you wouldn’t do for your spouse. Examples would be running errands, taking care of chores, cooking a meal etc.
“Hold Me, Touch Me, Say That You Love Me”
This language is self explanatory. If you or your partner craves cuddling, hugging, kissing, massages this is your love language. Physical contact shows affection that translates to love for this person.
“Quality Time With You”
This language is for those who want to interact on a one-on-one basis. They need periods of time with undivided attention whether it’s talking, watching movies, or outings.
“The Sweetest Gift”
For some, what makes them feel loved is to receive gifts. The gift shows appreciation and that you were thinking of them.
“Let’s Talk About Love”
This love language is all about verbal expression. This person needs reassurance that they are loved. It could be acknowledgement for their affection or their actions – they need to hear it.
Once Harvey and I learned these, the counselors had us think about which ones we most identified with. My top love language is Quality Time – second is Acts of Service. Harvey is Physical Touch and Acts of Service. Ever since then we always acknowledge them. In order to make sure we incorporate our top love languages we carve out date night to spend quality time together. We are fine on the physical touch part. 😉🙈 If I take out the trash when it’s Harvey’s turn or when he makes me breakfast in bed, we always say “I appreciate your acts of service”. It sounds corny and we laugh but it really does make a difference. We try to put in the work that will have a long lasting effect on our relationship.
What’s your love language?